HIV: A Patient’s Perspective

IT WAS JUNE of 2007, but Jacques Whitfield remembers it vividly.The then43-year-old attorney had recently come to terms with his homosexuality and was in the process of ending his marriage of 11 years. Optimistic about the future, he was just finishing a meal with his soonto-be ex-wife when she reached into her purse and grimly handed him an envelope. Puzzled, Whitfield scanned the letter from his life insurance company, slowly absorbing the news that would forever change his life; he’d been exposed to the HIV virus. “It was like a movie scene where everything in the room suddenly disappears,” he recalls. “In my mind, I saw the faces of all the friends I’d lost over the years to HIV/AIDS — I just couldn’t believe I had become a statistic.”

From Denial to Hope

Prior to his diagnosis, Whitfield’s professional background included volunteer work in HIV/AIDS education, making him familiar with the symptoms and treatments associated with the virus. Like most people, however, he never thought it could happen to him. Healthy and symptom-free, Whitfield went into what he calls “HIV denial,” shunning prescribed medications for over a year. The wake-up call came when he learned he was responsible for infecting someone else. “It’s an indescribable guilt that will never go away,” he says. “It’s like the ultimate karma because the same thing was done to me.”

Whitfield realized if he wanted to be around for the three children he was actively co-parenting, it was time to get in the game and fight.A short time later, he qualified for a Kaiser-sponsored HIV clinical trial. That’s when his real journey as an HIV patient began. “Taking daily medication is a reminder that you are sick, and it is a lifetime commitment because if you are noncompliant, the virus can become transmuted and severely compromise your health,” he explains. “Everything was fine until my insurance plan changed and I was no longer eligible for the trial. My viral load numbers escalated, I became depressed and fell out of treatment — that was a difficult time.”

Eventually, Whitfield changed jobs and obtained the insurance coverage necessary to manage his disease. Whitfield acknowledges his situation is not the norm; few people have the insurance or the personal means to cover both HIV treatment and the pricey prescription medications needed to keep them alive. “I’m very appreciative of the position I’m in today because I can afford the medical care I need,” he says. “For patients who don’t have the means, it can be a matter of life and death.”

Advocating for Education

It’s been five years since Whitfield’s diagnosis, and at 48, he appears the picture of health. Dietary changes, exercise and an adherence to his medication regimen help, as does a positive outlook. A busy single dad, he recently celebrated an anniversary with his partner of one year. The director of human resources development and personnel services for Yuba Community College District, he also is a board member and speaker for Sacramento’s Center for AIDS Research, Education & Services (CARES), where he donates his time and energy speaking to as many as 5,000 high school and college students annually about the risks associated with various sexual behaviors. No longer saddled by shame, he’s frequently applauded for his candor about his personal truths. “I believe in the power of transparency, and I refuse to live in fear, shame or condemnation,” he says. “If sharing my story will help others avoid this path, then I will feel I’ve accomplished my life’s purpose.”